Alright, so what got the ball rolling occurred Monday morning. My
brother and I were playing on the PS3 in the living room, shooting down
some helicopters, when I get a text from a classmate saying the Psyc
3 grades were up. I check online, and I'm happy. I got an A. I tell
my brother about it, and he is happy as well. Later on, my father comes
in and sits down to eat. My brother tells him, "Hey, Manuel got an A
in his class", to which my father responds, "In all classes?" and my
brother says "Just his psychology class" (which sounds like I got
horrible grades in all my other classes). My father turns to me and
asks "Is that true?" and I say "yeah, I got an A in my psychology class,
and I'm still waiting to find out what grade I received in my other
classes". "Oh", my father says. After a few seconds of what seemed to
be a conversation that already ended, my brother jokingly says, "hey, no
congratulations?"... Oh god,
I'm thinking.. I say "Oh, no it's okay, I mean, it's no big deal, it's
just psychology" and my brother responds "But that's what you're
majoring in, so it's still important", and I say "well, it's just an
intro class, nothing too hard.. everyone gets A's"... And my father
says something like, Good Job, to me. My brother and I continue
shooting down the helicopters, and my father eats.
Today.. oh
gee. So I wake up to find that our father isn't home, and my brother
doesn't know where he is. On top of that, my mother is not answering
her phone. I go out, and come back at around 5pm, to find out that no
one knows where our father is, and our mother (who usually is picked up
from work at 5pm by our father) had to take the bart home, at which point she had called us and told us she was at the Daly
City Bart Station. I tell my brother that I can go to the Bart Station
and meet up with her, and we could walk home (like we've done before),
but my brother tells her that she'll go pick her up (though he's not
allowed to leave the house). As he leaves, I call our father and to my
surprise he picks up. He said that he's on his way home, and that he's
stuck in traffic on the freeway near Oakland, and asks if he should stop
by SF to buy some burritos. I say, No, it's okay, we have food
(which was not entirely true), so he says he'll be home soon then. I
call our mother to tell her that I'm going to run to Safeway to buy
food, and she says, No, it's okay, your father is bringing burritos. Lol.
Shit. So I tell her, no, it's okay, I'm going to make food. As I go
to the room to pick up my keys, I notice my brothers wallet on our desk.
And his driver's license inside of it. Oh shit.
So I run to
Safeway, buy meat and a few vegetables, and run back. Our mother and my
brother are home, and I begin to cook right away. My brother says,
"Don't cook, we can call for pizza" (which is ridiculous, because A: I
already bought the damn food; B: By the time pizza comes everyone could
have already eaten the food I'll make; and C: With what money, you
and everyone else, is broke), and I say "It's okay, I'm going to cook",
to which he responds "But I don't want to wait an hour" and I sourly
replied "you won't". I was sweating and soon I finished cooking the
first wave of meat servings. I served it, my brother began eating, and I
continued cooking the second wave of meat servings. I finished that,
put it on the table and began to clean up, when our mother came to help
me. Then our father came through the door. We all said hi, and our
father says Thank you, to me, for cooking.
My brother points at a paper, which our apartment managers had given
my brother, to my father. He picks it up and asks what it is, at which
point I notice my mother has began to tear up and cry a bit, as we are
drying some dishes. My father heads to his room and begins to read the
letter, and I whisper to my mother, What's wrong? and she just shakes her head. I whisper Later? as
in, will we talk later, and she nods. I put the plate I was drying in
its place and go into our parents room and ask my father what the letter
says. He says "It just says that every now and then the managers will
come in to see how we are doing, and if they have permission to come in
when no one is home," I whisper, Then why is mother crying?
to which my father replies "Your brother is making a big deal and he's
made your mother cry". At this point I am confused as hell. Obviously I
missed something. I didn't notice it, but my brother looked very
bothered when we had the discussion about him ordering pizza and me
cooking. And at that point I also realized that my mother did not
really say much to my brother. I feel something coming, so I quickly
grab a plate, serve myself and sit done at the table to eat. That was
my first mistake. I should have gone into my own room to eat, or skip
eating altogether. Sure enough, my mother goes to her room, and my
father comes out and is about to serve himself food. He sees my brother
all mopey and gets upset. "What's the matter, huh? What's the
matter?" and my brother says nothing. "What is it?" my father asks,
cross-armed. My brother gets upset and finally says, "It's just that I
was driving and I could have been caught and I didn't have my license
and I could have been sent to jail" (which if it were true, could not
have made him seem as bothered as he did), and my father replies, "then
thank God that did not happen". But my brother adds "It's just that I
was taking a shower, when mom calls and asks if she can be picked up at
the daly city bart
station, so I get ready as quickly as I could to go get her". Again,
my father replies with "Well, thank God that did not happen, you're
still here with us, and that's all that matters". Here comes the Oh shit... part. "Well you should have told us where you were and if you wouldn't be able to pick up mom to go pick her up!" ...Oh shit...
My
father blows up. Figuratively, of course. "So after all these years
of me caring about you and worrying about you and you continuously
getting in trouble and not telling us, and you lying and never telling
us the truth, you are going to tell me that I should have told you what I
was doing? I cannot count on you nor him [and he points at me.. sigh..
why am I involved?]. For one you are a liar and he [me] is a liar.
You know what I did today? I went all the way to Sacramento to fix this
mistake about the taxes. They were going to take off $900 from your
mother's paycheck this Christmas. You would know that if you would pay
attention and care". All the while I eat my rice as quickly as
possible, and I swallow bits of meat whole. I am done with my food,
but I cannot leave the table. Fuck. My father continues, until finally
he is finished. He mentions that my mother is still crying because now
she thinks it's her fault that my brother forgot his wallet, it's her
fault that my brother could have gone to jail if he were stopped by the
police, and now it's her fault that my brother is getting yelled at.
Sigh.
As soon as that's over, I quickly wash all the dishes and clean the stove. I go to my room and just stay there.
At
night, near 10pm or 11pm, everyone goes to their rooms. My brother
gets ready to go to bed, and my parents are watching the news. Of
course, I'm still using the laptop, and so I go to my parents room
(since it's the only room with the lights on). Eventually, my brother
comes into the room and mumbles Good Night... and starts to leave the room. Oh dear god... Why... No... Not again... Why'd you have to mumble goodnight?! fuck...
So
my father gets up and says, "Hey, come back! Come in here! What's
wrong, huh? It's over, we talked about it. What's done is done". I'm
sitting in a chair in the way of everyone. My brother says "Nothing.
It's just that.. I feel like I'm such a wreck. I can't do anything.
I'm not successful. I never studied. Look at Manuel, he's going to
college [which at this point I am awkwardly positioned and I dare not
move (figuratively/literally). Then I got really pissed, because I
wanted to scream out 'Excuse me? No
one here wanted me to go to college. When I had the opportunity, you
all denied me. Once December came, you all said that this was not going
to happen, that there is no way I'm going to San Diego to study. None
of you supported me, and none of you want me going to college. I had to
fight and fight hard, you bastards. God. So pissed]. And you [my mother] are always talking about Gaby this and Carlitos
that [our cousins of his same age, that are in Nicaragua and are a
doctor and an architect, respectively]. Look at me. I am nothing.
What have I done?" And I feel like shit being so close to him. I am
angry that he used me, but I've known it all along. My father and
mother talk to him, and eventually all goes back to the way it was.
Then, in a joking manner, my father says, "And don't worry, we'll be out
of this financial rut soon, once Manuel finishes college. He'll get a
good job and he'll pay it all off within a year. So go to sleep and
feel better". [Can I just say... What.. the.. fuck..]
He goes to bed, my parents go to bed, and I [am still not done using
the laptop] head to the only light source left, the bathroom. I begin
typing this blog, and eventually my brothers texts me "Are you OK?"..
Probably thinking I used the razors to cut myself..
And they all
had good dreams and continued on with life the next day. I end this,
and am about to play with my brother on the PS3 again. I think we're
infiltrating a building this time.
The End.
Posted by
Manuel C.
at
11:33 PM
